Do you have a part of you, that takes over regularly and wrecks things for you? Do you feel that part of you is the biggest part of you? Let's get to know that part better.
For some of us, we have a part that likes to block reality out. This part does not like dealing with feelings, does not like dealing with problems, does not like dealing with our partners problems. This part of us likes to bury our head in the sand, block it all out. Our inner world is cut off from ourselves as this part takes over. We exist on the surface layer of ourselves, maybe over eating, over shopping, gambling, drinking. We stay on top, shutting anything difficult away from ourselves. This is completely unsustainable. You will know if you can identify with this part. There will be cycles, and rises and falls, as this part tries to maintain its grip on your inner world. Don't feel. Relationships are sabotaged, no intimacy is truly attained. In truth this part has control of you, and You have lost control of yourself. You may feel in a self-destructive spiral. Sometimes there comes a small period of break down, when other parts of you are accessible. Your inner child, your inner teenager scared of adulthood maybe. Some needs are met, you feel better. And you jump back into, feeling good, get on with it, bury the head and keep going.
You may have people around you who actually support you in this cycle, enabling you to not deal with your problems. At some point you might want to break the cycle and see can you try living a different way. I ask you, is it possible for you to explore this self-destructive part of you? Can you maybe seek out some help for yourself in doing so? A mentor? Therapist?
When we face the fact that we truly need to change, to begin to look at our conditioning from childhood, our blocking out of our feelings, we can access more of ourselves. We can heal our inner child, our lost teenager within. We can reclaim goals and dreams. We can grieve, finally for someone who has long since passed. We can discover the vast rich deeply emotional landscape within each of us. We learn about what we need to be happy. What we need to feel loved. What we need to change.
We are no longer trapped and at the mercy of some shut-down aspect of ourselves that will not allow feelings and difficulty.
I recommend, Russel Brands book 'Recovery'. Its funny and incredibly helpful. Otherwise look for someone who can help you with your journey. Maybe someone who has already done it, who has turned their life around.