Search
  • Gemma McCabe Kelly

Being Alone at Christmas


I think Christmas can be like a microscope. If you are happy, it is an opportunity to be even happier. If there is a sadness or a loss you have not been dealing with, you can pencil in your unresolved feelings popping up during the Christmas Holidays. If you are lonely, or alone, Christmas can be incredibly depressing.

I believe that surrendering to what is, is one of the most powerful skills we can learn in this life. Surrendering to the feelings inside. Feeling them. Exploring them. Matching the feeling with the felt sense in your physical body. Chest pain, butterflies in your belly, anger in your fists, stress in your scalp, tightness or numbness in your feet. Our feelings and past emotions from long ago can be accessed through our bodies. We can stop, simply stop. And begin to try to see how we are deep down. What have we spent the previous year running from, or trying to minimise for ourselves? Are we really happy in our lives? Are we missing someone? Do we need to go over that issue just one more time? Have our addictions gotten out of control? I love the opportunity this time of year brings. The platform for deep discovery. The days are darker, we are often pent up indoors, in traffic, in stress. We over eat, under move and basically feel a bit blue. If we learn to use this season to explore our inner world, and get to learn about ourselves more. What is working? What is not?


Easy for me to say. To flippantly suggest to use pain as a guide to the light. The light of being happier, more at peace. But how else are we to do it?


On the one hand I say, embrace the darkness. Embrace the lull in spirit, the sadness and pain. To try to engage with your feelings and thoughts and surrender to what your feeling. To end the distractions. On the other hand I also strongly recommend taking opportunities to get in touch with your inner child.




What a time of year to connect in with mini-you. Do you remember? Christmas? Santy? Can you allow yourself to be that child once more? To relive your most favourite Christmas memories again. Even if you are alone, the power of doing something fun and silly and childlike is second to none. Maybe it will be a walk in a wood, a hot chocolate with all the trimmings, buying yourself something fun and joyful, singing Christmas songs, or preparing your favourite food. You don't need somebody with you to take a trip down memory lane, to get out the photo album, to cry, to laugh, to eat, to be a bit joyful. Reconnect.


While I am summing all of this up very quickly, it is simply meant to be a little guide in the right direction to make use of this time of year, especially if your are not into it. Especially if you are feeling down and lonely. You don't need to be happy. But it might be so nice to reconnect in with yourself, and your little self of course too. And Merry Christmas.

©2018 by Phoenix Counselling & Psychotherapy.